did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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