8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
