theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
two words: eviction party
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
