Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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