"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize