so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
