Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
