He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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