; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
