i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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