i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
