I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
