my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
