Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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