it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
