I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
