I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize