I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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