Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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