Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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