I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
