meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
