you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
