Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
