how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's get the cat blown out
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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