HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
