my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
