i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
