Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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