I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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