I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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