first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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