How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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