so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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