i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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