God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
