You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
