I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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