why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
