Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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