I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
