It was confusing and full of hummus
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
