so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize