I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
