Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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