ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
