I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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