Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
