girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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