dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
