how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
