yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
