Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
