i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
