you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
