she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
