I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
