I could make wine with my vomit
Quick, to the slutcave!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
