Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
