Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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