My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i'm inner monologue high
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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