He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
