It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
