Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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