i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
