Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
