I just saw a hot homeless man
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
