i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
